Saturday, March 18, 2017

Smashed Baby Reds

I firmly believe the Obama administration wiretapped my abode and has been leaking my personal information left and right. I am both swamped and drowning in mail and phone calls as a result of these leaks. Given the volume that I am being crushed by, I have little doubt that Obama asked the British to look into my affairs as well.

The most damaging information that they have released so far is the fact that I will be turning 65 in July. Of greatest interest to my attackers is the fact that I will now be eligible for Medicare. No one will be content if I just elect to take Medicare. According to their pleas, I will be forced to walk the world, naked and in chains, if I do not opt for Supplemental Medicare or Medi-Gap Insurance.

Every insurance company in America sends me a letter each day. Rinse, repeat and they do it again the next day. My landline, which I stopped answering years ago, rings at least 6 times a day with solicitations. Should any of them find their way to my mobile phone, I instantly block them for all eternity.

I thought it would all just pertain to the Medicare issue. But no, turning 65 has even greater significance. I'm being offered special discounts on mobile chair scooters that will allow me to still shop at my beloved Costco during my golden years. And while I'm there, I can use the millions of coupons I've been given for adult diapers.

65-year olds love their coupons. By the hundreds, I've got them for erectile dysfunction pills, hemorrhoid cream, hair coloring, recliners that will push me horizontal so that I do not have to stand up on my own, walk-in bath tubs and no-tie, velcro sneakers. I had no idea that at age 65 that I would be standing at the very edge of such a steep and slippery slope.

My response to all of this hubbub is quite simple. I am going to ignore it. I will simply drink more wine. Eat more red meat. And cook side dishes like the one below that will add more cholesterol for me to enjoy in my declining years.

2 pounds baby red potatoes
4 rosemary sprigs
3 garlic cloves, smashed
1/4 cup plus 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil, divided
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon chopped flat leaf parsley
2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary,
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper


  1. Preheat oven to 425°F. Place potatoes, rosemary sprigs, smashed garlic, 1/4 cup of the salt and water to cover in a 3-quart saucepan. Bring to a boil over high; reduce to medium and simmer  for 15 minutes. Drain; discard rosemary sprigs and smashed garlic.
  2. Brush a rimmed baking sheet with 2 tablespoons of the oil. Arrange potatoes on prepared baking sheet. Using the heel of your hand, lightly crush potatoes until they are about 1/2 inch thick. Brush with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Bake in preheated oven until golden brown and crisp (30 minutes). 
  3. Stir together butter, chopped parsley, thyme, rosemary, minced garlic, pepper, remaining 1 tablespoon oil and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Brush mixture over potatoes and serve immediately.

Pairing: Drinking a glass of good red wine has the same health benefits as an hour of strenuous exercise. Plus, I have yet to hear of anyone on death's doorstep wishing they had consumed less red wine in their time on this hallowed earth.

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